Rebuild, Reclaim

It was strange how staring death in the face can hammer home the desire to live. Because Alex has been hanging on by a thread lately. Vengeance for Cameron was the only thing left for him. And even then. He needed Wyatt dead but not as much for Cameron as for Pam. So she could sleep at night again. So she could mourn their little boy, know that no more little boys would die at that particular monster's hand. And then, maybe, with any luck, she could move on. Create her life anew with another husband, another child, another house.

That might be too much to hope for. So, Alex would satisfy himself by imagining that, once Wyatt was dead, she would feel at least a little more secure.

As for him. He'd thought his life was over. That he was living for one thing and one thing only.

Now he knew better.

Michael had disappeared somewhere in the warehouse. When Alex had thanked the team for breaking him out, he'd seen how Michael couldn't meet his eyes. How he'd worried his lower lip. Alex was not surprised that no one had seen Michael in the hours since.

Sara was always easy to find. Right now, she was sitting on the dock outside, facing the sunset. The sun caught her hair and set it aflame. Alex's breath caught and he stood stock still, watching her. Unsure. Hesitant.

Taking Michael had been nothing. A natural progression in their relationship. From the first moment, it had been inevitable, had been building. There was no guilt, no shame. The timing was right. Their relationship had changed. Michael had changed. The boy who'd gazed down at him in the elevator with a mixture of anxiety and interest was not the same man who'd come to his bed a few nights before.

And Alex had been there every step of his transformation. Watched as each experience shattered a little more of that self-composure, the self-assurance. The kind of innocence. Been there for the first life Michael had taken deliberately, offered comfort.

Now, Alex took that comfort. And hoped that, in the taking, he might, somehow, manage to shore up Michael's weakening defenses. Stop him from losing anymore of himself.

But Sara…

Sara had changed, too. The sad women in the picture Alex had studied at the start of the chase hadn't been the same woman he'd held captive in the hotel room. And that woman was not the scarred, damaged, eternally proud woman who shared her bed with him.

He hadn't touched her. Didn't know how. A couple of hesitant kisses. Their hands brushing over the barrier of Michael's body. They caught each other's gaze sometimes and there was a spark. A slow burn and that's when he felt guilty. He hadn't desired a woman since his divorce and now…

A breeze picked up. The harbor smelled disgusting, but the air inside was stifling right now.

Alex crossed the dock and settled next to her. He always moved slowly around her. Made noise. He'd seen how tense she got when someone came up behind her. Whenever someone touched her without her seeing them. He'd been there. He remembered. And he knew how to be nonthreatening when he needed to be.

Without looking at him, Sara reached out. Took his hand. Rubbed her thumb over his skin. "I'm glad you're back."

"Me, too. Thank you."

She shifted, turning so she could face him. He did the same, momentarily mesmerized at how the waning light cast a glow to her face. "It was a hard decision. Not that we didn't want you here. But the team…"

"I understand." He did. It didn't even hurt to think that he had been close to being abandoned. It was the nature of the work.

"Just. I want you understand that Michael's having a hard time dealing with it. You know how he is."

Alex frowned. He stroked up her arm, just feeling the softness of her skin. "He has nothing to feel guilty about. And I thought I was the one avoiding him."

"Okay, why is that?" she asked with a laugh.

"I was in a catch 22. I knew Michael would tie himself up in knots over this. Over whether or not to come after me. And the right decision was to let me hang. I'd become a liability." He looked up at her, still stroking her arm. "I wanted to reassure him. And to make sure that Wyatt was taken care of. Lincoln will do that for me. But Michael needs to be the one to call Pam. Michael or you."

Sara nodded. She understood what he was asking of her, and her hand caught his. Squeezed and brought it to her lips. After she kissed it, she held his hand to his mouth a moment. Eyes closed, just breathing.

He brought his other hand to her face. Carded through her hair. "Sara."

She sniffed. Pulled her head away. "No. I know. I'm okay."

Alex leaned forward and kissed her. When he pulled back, he said, "The thing of it is, I knew if I called him, he'd come after me. But I had to call. I'm the one who should be hiding."

"Naw. It was the right thing. Besides. If Michael hadn't gone for you, he wouldn't be Michael."

"No," Alex agreed. "He wouldn't be."

They fell into silence. His fingers traced random patterns on her arms. Caressing. Soothing. This was the most he'd ever touched her. There was a part of her that seemed so fragile, she might break at his hands. He knew it was only an illusion. A fear. This woman was strong enough to survive, well. Anything. She might be stronger than Michael. Stronger than him. And maybe that scared him, too.

"How are you holding up?" he finally asked.

She exhaled. Closed her eyes. "I don't know. I went to a bar. That's how Wyatt found me. It's all getting to me, you know? Bruce was family." Her voice broke. Then, she shook her head. "Alex, I'm sorry. I don't mean…"

"Shh." He shook his head. "I won't walk on glass for you. Don't do it for me."

Dark, luminous eyes gazed into his. She nodded. "Right. Sorry." She licked her lips. "I just kind of want to forget."

"I know how you feel." He shook his head. "But detoxing was the most physically painful thing I've done in forever. I don't know if I'd have the strength to do it again."

She gave him a crooked smile. "Why bother to detox?" Then her hand flew over her mouth and she shook her head. "We shouldn't be talking like this."

"No. I know."

"You know, the last time I talked to another addict about the lure of addiction, he tried to kill me." She shrugged. "Of course, then he exonerated me and provided the evidence to exonerate Lincoln, too. And, I don't think he was really an addict."

"Who was that?"

"Kellerman."

Alex nodded. "No. He wasn't an addict. Except to the company and killing. May he rest in peace."

"I'm not even sure I'd go that far." She pushed the palms of their hands together. Threaded their fingers. "We'll be fine."

"We will."

Sara inhaled sharply. Cleared her throat and straightened. "I have… I have something I need to show you." She rose to her feet and tugged him with her. "Come on."

Alex followed her, bemused. If this sudden need to show him something followed from their previous conversation, then Sara was taking him to her drug stash. However, if either of them started using, Michael would throw a fit. He'd abandon Alex. Give him to Self, who'd throw him back in jail. Sara, of course, was a different story. But Michael wouldn't be happy.

And, truth be told, as much pain as he was in, he didn't really want to suppress it. He needed the pain. It made him stronger, kept him focused.

But he couldn't think what else she needed to show him.

They made their way to the boat and climbed inside. Michael was absent, still skulking somewhere around the warehouse. Alex would find him later, apologize. Assuage his guilt and make him see how unfounded it really was.

But now. Sara.

She released his hand and went into the middle of their bedroom. Took a deep breath. "Just, um. Yeah." Turning, she clutched the edge of her shirt. Pulled it over her head and let it drop to her feet.

His breath caught. "Sara." He moved to her. One hand hovered over the ruined back, the raised scars speaking of pain and terror. Too afraid to touch, he moved over the expanse, taking in the damage, hand inches away.

"When Michael came back, when I saw him, I was so happy. But this isn't my body anymore, and I couldn't… couldn't figure out how to react to him. How to love him with it." Her head turn, looking over her shoulder. Not at him, but towards him. Eyes downcast. "I've only just… He's so patient. Gentle. And with him, I can almost believe, you know? It can almost be real. This can almost be me. I'm not there yet, though. Almost."

He did touch her now. Hands on her shoulders, pulling her against him. Her back to his front, his face pressed into her hair. Breathed. Her breath on his face. Her scent wafting over him.

She had done this alone. No one there while she'd been tortured. Whipped. Terrorized. Alone. This… suburban princess, this city doctor from wealth and family, had been torn apart and rebuilt. Refined and she'd been through it alone.

If he could be two people… but he wasn't. And what was done was done. They could only move forward.

He kissed her hair. The side of her face. Moved away, putting space between their bodies. Swept her hair off her neck, cascading down the front of her body. With trembling fingers, he unhooked her bra and slid the straps down her arms.

It dropped to the floor. Their breath sounded loud in the quite room. The only noise in this insular world she'd created for herself and Michael. And now him.

He trailed his fingertips up her arms. Over her shoulders and down her back. Sara's breath caught as he traced a scar. And she let out a shuddering gasp when he leaned over and kissed it. Again and again, from one end to the other. All the while continued to caress, to smooth, to explore the ravaged skin with his fingers. Learning and memorizing every detail, ever part. Every blemish, every perfection.

"Oh."

Alex placed a kiss on Sara's shoulder. Turned, his hand on the small of her back, to Michael's voice.

Michael was standing in the doorway, tugging on the fingers of one hand. His cheeks were flushed. He shifted from foot to foot.

Now was not the time for their talk. Alex reached out his hand to Michael. "Come."

He hesitated another moment, anxiety written on his face. He looked so guilty, so unsure.

"Michael."

Michael let out a long stream of air. Then, he crossed the room to the two of them. Put one hand on Sara's shoulder and leaned in to Alex. Kissed him, a soft sort of kiss that begged for forgiveness.

Alex accepted the kiss. Changed it, made it deeper. Took away the question of forgiveness and transmuted it into something else. Something more.

Michael pulled away first. Tugged at Sara, turning her around to face them. His hand slid down her shoulder, around to her back and he pulled her to him--to them.

Sara's mouth opened under his. Alex watched them, kissing, the way she melted into Michael. How tightly she squeezed her eyes shut until her eyelids trembled. Her mouth, soft against Michael's, skin glowing against Michael's increasing paleness. Her hand at the nape of his neck. Her soft sigh as her lips pressed closed and open again.

Then she turned. Her face was flushed, passion in her eyes that didn't quite overwrite the hesitance. She offered herself to Alex, closing her eyes.

He took what was offered. His hand fell away from Michael as he turned his concentration. His hands slid down her arms as he kissed her, one straying to her back. Stroking, never lingering on the scars but not ignoring them either. His tongue dipped in and out of her mouth, teased her lower lip. Stroked against her tongue.

Lips at his neck. Michael unbuttoning Alex's shirt and pulling it off. Kissing down his neck to his shoulder.

He pulled away from Sara to turn to Michael. As Michael raised his head to kiss him, Alex continued to caress Sara. His hands moved from her back. Over her stomach. Up to the soft swell of her breasts, gently plucking at one nipple.

She gasped.

Embolden, Alex did it again. Her hand clutched at his waist and she swayed.

"Can we," she said, a voice amidst the sound of Alex and Michael's heavy breathing. "Can we take this to the bed?"

He opened his eyes. Looked at her, then Michael, and back again. "Are you sure?" It had never been his intention to push her into something she wasn't ready for.

She nodded and moistened her lips. "If it's too much, I'll say."

Both Michael and he moved in to kiss her at the same time. Their heads knocked, and they pulled away with duel groans.

"I think this is going to take some negotiating," Michael said, laughter in his eyes.

Alex kissed his head. "A bit. But such is life." He turned in and kissed Sara, who was laughing at the two of them.

Her hand slipped into his. Into Michael's. She pulled, walking backwards to the bed. Sat down gracefully and pulled the two of them down with her.

Kneeling there, on the bed, facing Sara and Michael, Alex was suddenly unsure of what to do. He'd been in many situations before. This was never one of them. Life was so uncertain right now. Maybe this was a mistake.

Sara leaned forward suddenly. Kissed him, hard. Demanding. "Don't over think this," she panted against his mouth. "Live in the moment, at least for now."

He pulled back so he could look into her eyes.

She smiled and said, "Everything can change in a moment. Who knows that better than the three of us?"

"Our lives aren't our own, not right now. Not yet," Michael added. He kissed Alex's the side of Alex's neck again.

Goosebumps shivered over Alex's skin at the soft touch.

"We make this our own," he finished.

Alex nodded. Turned to kiss Michael. Found he couldn't pull away, couldn't stop lavishing attention on those full, luscious lips. Kissed Michael, felt Sara press against him as she caressed Alex's body. Nibbled at his ear and kissed down his neck.

He pushed at Michael's shirt, urging him to take it off. When Michael pulled away to do so, Sara took his place at Alex's lips. So strange, the immediate difference. The rough stubble of Michael's cheeks being replaced with silky softness. Different texture in their lips. Different taste. Sara of cherry lip balm and wax and a touch of sugar from her tea. Michael's lips dry and tasting nothing more than spit and salt.

Michael's hair brushed against Alex's throat. He opened his eyes to see him kissing Sara's neck. Her collarbone before moving down and catching one of her nipples in his mouth.

Sara gasped against Alex. Her hand tightened before she slid it down Alex's front. Caressed her thumb over his nipple, then down, over his stomach. To his waistband and down one thigh. Rubbed up and down before moving with a purpose. She undid the button of his jeans. Pulled down the zipper.

Almost immediately, Michael switched over to Alex. Kissed him aggressively, pushing him onto the mattress, onto his back. His broad hands tugged at his jeans, pulling them down, while Sara's smaller ones massaged over his shoulders, down his arms. Her mouth lavished attention to his upper body, his neck and shoulders and chest, while Michael kissed and nipped at his stomach and down. Brushed his appendix scar, licked along the crease of his thigh. Bit at his thigh and kissed the freckle behind his knee.

Two more sets of zippers sounded. Sara and Michael pulled away momentarily, only to come back into view, holding each other, kissing, both naked. Both beautiful.

Alex moved back, propping himself on his elbows. Watched Michael and Sara as they kissed. Their hands roamed each other's body, familiar. Familiar, but not entirely confident. Sara had said she'd only just begun to feel comfortable with Michael, and he could see the newness of their love making. Still that slight hesitance, the care to make every touch count. To infuse each touch with meaning and love.

He and Pam had touched each other that way. Stumbled along, finding their groove until they were so practiced. So comfortable that they could enflame each other with ease.

Just as he was beginning to feel like an intruder, Sara pulled away from Michael. Shifted and stretched besides Alex. "We didn't forget you," she teased. She turned his head to her and kissed him.

"It'd be enough just to watch."

Michael stretched out on the other side of Alex. "Naw. This isn't a spectator event."

"I know some people who'd wish otherwise."

Sara blushed at that. Lowered her head, hiding it in the crook of Alex's neck.

"What's the matter, Sara?" he asked, rubbing her hip and sliding her hand around to her bottom. "Feeling the pressure of being the only woman?"

"You have no idea," she said, coming up. She nipped at his jaw.

"I do," Michael said. He leaned across Alex and kissed Sara. "After being in two prisons, I have a lot of sympathy for what pretty women go through."

Sara rolled her eyes. "Oh, poor baby." She kissed him, then whispered, "I worked at that prison. I still win."

"Mmm," Michael hummed. He had a sneaky smile on his face, and Alex knew he could take it further.

"Now, now. You're both the prettiest in the room, no matter what. No need to fight," Alex said. He reached down and took Michael in hand. "We have more important things to concentrate on."

Michael's eyes slid shut. His hips began to undulate in time with Alex strokes. His kiss swollen mouth fell open, head falling back. He moved, straddled one of Alex's legs. Alex watched as he leaned closer to Sara. Began kissing her neck and shoulders. His right hand rested on Sara's hip while his left combed through the red nest of curls. Down further and then Sara gasped. Fell, bottom resting on her ankles, legs spread. As Michael played with her, she made soft moans in her throat. Lips pressed together except when she moistened them. Panted a few breaths, then pressed again.

Alex watched. Sara was poetry in motion. Hair cascading down her back. Skin catching the lights. Hips rocking and writhing smoothly.

He stroked Michael in time with Sara's movements. Watched the two of them move together, in time. She fell into him, kissing him. His free hand moved over her. Slid to her wrist. Guided her to his cock.

Sara took it. Hand wrapped around. Different than his own. Different than Pam. Different and so, so good. Strong and sure as she stroked. Pulled, confident and just perfect.

And Michael. Alex watched as Michael sucked on his finger. Wet it, again and again, then moved down. Found its way to Alex's entrance.

He tilted his hips up. Pulled his leg to his body, then hooked it around Sara, coming to rest between her ankles.

Michael pressed into him. Pressure and friction. Michael wasn't quite slick enough to make it comfortable, but Alex relished the intrusion. Enjoyed the uncomfortable, prickly feeling. He groaned when Michael started to move. Began to pump him with his finger. Fuck him.

He was so hot. Pleasure raced up and down his body. Pooled in his groin, pressure building.

He reached over to Sara. His hand joined Michael's. Sara's breathing picked up. She fell over, hanging over Alex. Pressed back into their fingers faster. Harder. Lowered her head and took the head of Alex's cock in her mouth. Licked over it and he was stroking a finger over her clit while she was sucking on him and Michael had moved so he could kiss at Alex's skin and it was all so much and there was skin and hair and sweat and they were moaning and gasping and moving and…

He came first. Teeth digging into his bottom lip, biting through his climax.

Sara kissed him. Her lips were sticky and she tasted like come. Like him. As she kissed him, Michael moved his fingers in her faster. Directed Alex so they were more concentrated. More forceful as they stroked her. Her moans became louder, little mews of pleasure. Her arms shook and then she was slumped over Alex, shaking.

"Alex," Michael gasped. "Condom. Pillow."

Alex turned onto his stomach. Reached for the pillow at the head of the bed. A box of condoms was behind it. He grabbed one and tore open the package. Gently, he pulled Sara off him and onto the mattress. Rolled the condom on Michael's cock, kissing at the space just under his belly as he did.

Sara rolled onto her back. Her face was flushed, almost beet red. Dewy with sweat. When Michael entered her, she cried out. Arched her back, arms splaying at her side, clutching at the blankets.

Alex licked a drop of sweat racing down her face. As Michael pumped into her, drawing more soft cries, Alex swallowed those cries. Kissed her. Reached between her and Michael's body. Stroked Michael as he drove in. Caressed Sara's clit, then up to her navel. Traced his tongue around the soft indent, then up the center of her body. Around her breasts. Sucking at her nipples, until they were hard, hot peaks.

"Oh God," Sara suddenly gasped. "Michael. I… Michael, I…"

Michael bit his bottom lip. Drove into her once more. She stiffened. Shuddered hard, her entire body. Her eyes closed, body tense as she rode out of her orgasm.

A few thrusts later, and Michael followed her. His orgasm seemed to take him by surprise, mouth falling open, eyes wide. He exhaled hard, panted a few times, then all but collapsed over her.

Sara kissed the top of his head. Massaged his back, fingertips dragging down his spine. He lay silent a few more moments, before kissing her neck and pulled away. He disposed of the condom, then stretched out next to Sara on his side.

Alex mirrored his posture on the other side of Sara. Rested his hand on her stomach.

Michael put his hand on top of Alex's. "That was incredible," he said drowsily.

He nodded in agreement, too tired to say anything. He just closed his eyes. Listened to the sounds of the harbor outside. The sound of their breathing returning to normal. Sheets rustling as Michael shifted.

And then… sniffing.

"Sara?" Alex pushed himself up, Michael doing the same.

"I'm fine," she said, sitting up. She covered her eyes, wiping away the tears that fell.

Shit. He felt like crap. She hadn't been ready, and he'd pushed his way into a situation he hadn't belonged. Fuck.

"I'm sorry," he said, but she shook her head.

"No. It's not… nothing's wrong. I swear, it was great. You were both great."

Michael sat next to her and put his arm around her shoulder. "Then what's wrong, Sara?"

She shook her head. Rested it against Michael's. "I don't know. I. Ever since… I've felt so alien. And so afraid that I'd never be able to be with anyone again. And then you came back and, Michael, I love you so much. And you're so wonderful. But I was always afraid I'd never be able to… to… I don't know."

"Feel like yourself?" Michael suggested. He looked at Alex and smiled crookedly. "Feel comfortable in your own skin."

"Yeah. Even when finally made love, I still felt wrong."

"Well, Alex does have that magic touch."

He reached to Michael and stroked up his arm. Traced the arched window pattern he remembered so well, could still see even after it'd been torn from Michael's skin. "It'll take time, Sara," he said, looking at her. "It'll come and go."

"I know." She sniffed and wiped her eyes again. "But it was nice to just… not feel uncomfortable in my own skin for a while."

Alex kissed her cheek. Her mouth. "In here, time stands still. Our lives are our own."

She nodded. Sighed and rested her head against Michael and Alex's. Her hands found theirs, already together. They moved them, welcoming her, holding her. Holding each other and drawing strength.

Fin